my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize