The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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