my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize