yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was born a porn star she said
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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