Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
