Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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