pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
