Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
