I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
