why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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