I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
