Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
