These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
