guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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