If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize