you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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