I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
