I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
