I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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