so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
