I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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