are you still at the devil's house?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
