You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
