sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
