New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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