ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
