Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
