Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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