im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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