"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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