Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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