I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize