Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
