I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
