I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
