If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
