I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
