I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
