Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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