I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
