You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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