Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
