As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
