Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Found your dick twin last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
