there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
