Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
