Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
