We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
