No stitches, just platelets and will power
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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