walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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