I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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