I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
