do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Found your dick twin last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
