You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
