I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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