doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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