your parents love me but you hate me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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