i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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