Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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