used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
