I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So much Jack, so little girl.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
