So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
