he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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