i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
