I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
