My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
