Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
