My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
