this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
