You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
