Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
