as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
